This Sunday, the Oscars happened. Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosted, and (in a nutshell) The King’s Speech won everything. Let’s break it down:

The Winners:
The King’s Speech won Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, and Best Original Screenplay. It deserved some of that, but not really. It didn’t deserve Best Director, one of the most prestigious awards of the evening. Instead of Tom Hooper, who breathed into the microphone really loudly, Black Swan’s director, Darren “I’m a hunk” Aronofsky should have won. There was more artfulness in the first five minutes of Black Swan than there was in the entirety of The King’s Speech.

Colin Firth deserved his win, despite the fact that Jeff Bridges is the man, and The King’s Speech deserved Best Original Screenplay. Its Best Picture win is allowable, though there were other movies (i.e. Black Swan, True Grit, and The Social Network) that deserved it just as much.

The Best Adapted Screenplay award went to The Social Network, and, sure, it was well written, but the Coen Brothers’ True Grit should have won, hands down. Also, the Best Documentary award went to the completely unknown and total downer film, Inside Job, as opposed to the totally awesome Banksy documentary, Exit Through the Gift Shop. All of the other awards aren’t important enough to talk about, really, except for the fact that Natalie Portman and Christian Bale both deservedly won Best Actress and Best Supporting Actor, respectively. Oh, and Annette Benning won the award for Deepest Female Voice, Ever.

The Fashion:
Christian Bale had a scary beard! Geoffrey Rush had a scary everything because he had no hair! In stark contrast, Helena Bonham Carter’s hair looked like it would eat everyone within a 5-foot-radius! Also, Natalie Portman looked great because she was pregnant.

The Show Itself:
Anne Hathaway and James Franco are, without a doubt, the worst Oscar Hosts in recent memory. James Franco, nominated for a movie where he cut off his own arm to survive, seemed as though he would cut off another arm just to escape the hosting job. His apathy was emphasized by Anne Hathaway’s fake and painful exuberance (also, her bad singing). They were continually upstaged by people who were obviously more talented than they were, like Billy Crystal. Anne Hathaway’s compulsive dress swaps were as irritating as they were unnecessary, and James Franco’s 30 seconds in drag demanded a face palm. In fact, almost everything that either Anne or James said demanded a face palm.

In conclusion, the Oscars weren’t as awesome as they have been in past years, mostly because of the sub-par hosts. If you missed it, good for you. If you caught it, okay.