Christmas Music Makes You Deaf

As one who celebrates Christmas, I often avoid exploiting my opinions on a widely accepted aspect of this holiday: Christmas music. I can honestly say that I hate Christmas music passionately, with very few exceptions, and I would like to think that I have very valid reasons.

I know many who disagree with me, some who do not even celebrate Christmas, which is often my reason for keeping these views to myself. Upon telling even my closest friends about my beliefs, they respond by asking what is wrong with me and say that I have no soul. This is where I must clarify: while I do not like Christmas music, that does not mean that I do not have Christmas spirit… and a soul.

Subconsciously, I cannot help but listen to Christmas music from a critical standpoint, for I listen to all of my music with the same perspective. If the general public did the same, they may also realize that Christmas music does not consist of quality compositions. So, what is it that separates Christmas music from the critiquing every other music genre receives? It is the “happy” holiday season that somehow blocks out everyone’s ears from hearing the horrible songs playing on loop from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day. They say that love makes you blind; I say that the Christmas season makes you deaf – deaf to the ghastly music society has deemed acceptable despite being completely irrelevant and extremely irritating this time of year.

For those of you are still willing to hear me out, would you like some examples? Well, I have plenty. First, I’d like to point out how irrelevant many of the lyrics in Christmas songs are in society today. Take “Jingle Bells,” for example. Keeping in mind how repetitive it is and the fact that no one remembers the lyrics past the first verse, riding in a “one horse open sleigh,” one of the key points of the song it seems, has not been a common form of transportation for quite some time now.

Another example of an outdated Christmas song is the “Twelve Days of Christmas” song. First, I don’t know how someone was delegated in deciding that there should all of a sudden be twelve days of Christmas, but the song is certainly appropriately titled, for it takes that amount of time to sing it in full. The gift giver is referred to as the singer’s “true love,” but I sense that materialistic motivations are controlling those emotions. Also, I will never understand why anyone would be happily surprised with the gift of “eight maids-a-milking,” and though I’m still not exactly sure what that means, if taken literally, it is definitely not something I would consider a gift regardless of the time period. That sounds like slavery to me, and it is a completely unnecessary gift when we have a perfectly good Stew Leonard’s, capable of supplying us with milk minus the maids.

Another Christmas tune that can make me feel particularly uncomfortable is “Santa Baby.” The combination of the high-pitched breathy-voiced girl singing lyrics that are chock full of sexual innuendos makes Christmas feel dirty to me. Anything having to do with Santa Clause, a figment of children’s imagination I may remind you, should not be made sensual under any circumstances, period.

Last, the disturbing song, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” would have to rank number one on my list of the worst Christmas songs ever created. Not only is the whole scenario completely unrealistic, but I don’t take people being killed lightly, and the fact that this dismissive song portrays that in a light hearted way shows disrespect and the outright idiocy of whoever wrote it. This is the one Christmas song I have a zero tolerance for.

I will say this; I cannot discriminate against all Christmas music, for I love the song “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, and the U2 version of “Baby, Please Come Home,” because it can be treated like any other music throughout the year due to their sheer quality. In addition, I cry every time I hear John Lennon’s “Happy Christmas (War is Over),” with its ironic undertones and pure value in meaning. It is these underrated, beautiful songs that may be heard once or twice throughout the holiday season in a store or on the radio, but “Jingle Bells” will be played so many times that it will make your ears bleed. That is why I can say quite frankly that I hate Christmas music, but a more accurate statement would be to say that I hate how society indulges in terrible Christmas music.

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