Three Bizarre Christmas Classics

We’ve all seen some weird Christmas movies before. In “The Nightmare Before Christmas,” trick-or-treaters kidnap Santa Claus. In “Gremlins,” cute little creatures attack a small town on Christmas. In “Bad Santa,” a mall Santa puts the kids on the naughty list to shame. In “Home Alone,” two parents leave their kid home for the holidays wait that sounds awesome. Anyway, there are actually much more bizarre and terrifying Christmas movies out there that make you question the sanity of the producers that approved the film. Here are three Christmas films that put all involved on the naughty list.

1. Regarded as one of the worst films ever made, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” kicks off our list. Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians because they are jealous that nobody delivers toys to children on their planet. The film received a newfound fame after being featured on “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” and plays regularly in December on Comedy Central. The film is currently #86 on IMDB’s 100 worst films ever made.

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2. Despite the innocent title, “Silent Night” is actually a horror film about a kid who witnessed his parents get murdered by a man in a Santa suit, and grows up to become the Santa slasher’s successor. The film caused unbelievable controversy upon its release in 1984, with the PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) fighting to have the film removed from theaters. The film unsurprisingly received negative reviews upon release with Leonard Maltin giving it zero stars saying, “What’s next, the Easter Bunny as a child molester?” Despite the negative reception (and Sony Pictures deciding to pull the film from theaters quite early), the film was a box office success and spawned four sequels and a remake released last year starring Malcolm McDowell.

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3. Ending this list is “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny,” which has Santa’s sleigh being stuck in the sands of a Florida beach and receiving the help of children and a bunny driving a fire engine. The strangest thing about the film is that Santa tells the story of a girl who goes to an amusement park (any oldies reading this remember something called “Pirate’s World,” this was the final film filmed there, what an honor) and hears the story of Thumbelina which lasts for 45 minutes of screentime (which was clearly a different movie as it has its own credit sequence). And yes, it’s a story within a story within a story. “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” is now considered a cult classic.

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So if you’re tired of staring at that stupid fake log on TV then pop in one of these classics. You won’t mind staring at that dumb log anymore. Merry Christmas!

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