It’s incredibly easy to catch a cold with the temperature, snow, and High Schoolers with runny noses because there’s not a single tissue in the whole school. But don’t worry, I’m here to help. Here are some tips on how to not catch a cold in this Winter Wonderland we call Bethel.

Stay Warm – Remember Dr. Cosentino’s whole schtick involving the three B’s. Do that x10. Staying warm is the number one rule to not get sick. Wear a sweatshirt or jacket, close the window, and turn up the heat. Stay warm, you’ll catch pneumonia.

Clean Up – Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere, clean up clean up everybody please wash your hands jeez I beg of you. Everybody is sneezing and coughing and they’re spreading their germs everywhere they go.

Get Some Sleep – While sleeping, your immune system releases proteins that keep you from being ill. The average teenager needs 9-10 hours of sleep so forget the homework and take a nap.

Cough and Sneeze Into Your Elbow – 1 in 4 people observed in public don’t sneeze or cough into their elbow. Don’t be a minority, blend in with the crowd and cover up your germs you nasty.

Drink Some Orange Juice – That Sun’s not going to help you when you’re in this school for over six and a half hours a day. You need that Vitamin C. Fun fact: eating one Orange gets you 116.1% of your daily value of Vitamin C.

Don’t Share Drinks, Utensils, etc. – Sharing is caring if you want to get sick and die. You might think it’s cute to share a drink with your significant other or whatever you kids do but it won’t be cute when you’re sneezing all day. As a matter of fact just stay single.

Stay Single – Read above and feel better about yourself.

Don’t Open Any Doors – Doorknobs are icky. The Wildcat Word suggests you wait by a door until some other unfortunate soul comes by and opens it for you. Be sure to thank them for their service to this country.

Wear a Surgeon’s Mask – With dust and diseases flying around, you don’t want to breathe that in. Wear a surgeon’s mask and stay healthy and single.

Don’t Touch Anything – Drop what you’re holding right now (especially since this article is over).