Valentine’s Day Horoscopes

Aries– You’re so focused on being the confident single person in your friend group, you’re ignoring a possible love interest showing up just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Taurus– Enjoy your evening of watching “The Fault in Our Stars” trailer on repeat.

Gemini– So you don’t want to get your significant other a traditional teddy bear? I hear Webkinz are making a comeback.

Cancer– Although you would totally be content staying home to eat that heart-shaped box of chocolates your parents pity-bought for you and watching Netflix, go out instead, surprise yourself.

Leo– Yes, I do believe that dotting all of your “i’s” with hearts today will annoy your English teacher.

Virgo– It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, pizza exists and it doesn’t judge you if you share or eat it all yourself.

Libra– You may not love anyone like XO, but you’re still flawless. Bow down. This has been a Beyoncé inspired horoscope.

Scorpio– You might as well confess your love now, because it’s high school, and even if the worst case scenario you imagine does play out, you’re leaving in less than four years anyways.

Sagittarius– Sagittarius? More like SAPittarius. Stop crying and use poorly crafted puns to romantically attract others.

Capricorn– I know you have the urge to try that cake-in-a-mug Pinterest recipe, but you’re just going to end up eating unevenly baked chocolate batter with a mess in your microwave, and an overwhelming feeling of despair.

Aquarius– Write a poem fueled by your teen angst, and then write a better poem to submit to Mirage.

Pisces– You will go see the movie, Endless Love, this weekend. Even if you are refusing to go, you will find yourself there with no memory of how it happened.

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