Ask Carol: February

Hi Carol, I’m going to college next year and my girlfriend is younger than me, so she’ll still be in high school while I’m away at college. She’s really nervous about me going to college, although I’m not sure why. I want to make this Valentine’s Day really special since it is the last one before I leave for school. I want her to know how much she means to me and that college won’t change any of that. -Jittery Jordan

 

Hi Jordan! This is a situation that I’m sure many people have been through. I’m actually going through something very similar myself, but there are some ways to show your girlfriend how much you love her before heading off to school next year. Sentimental is definitely the way to go this year. While getting her something expensive could help supplement this, you shouldn’t rest on a piece of jewelry (or something of the sort) when trying to show your feelings. Think back on your relationship, whether it’s new or old, and remember important things that you both love and care about. I know for me, one of our biggest shared interests is music. Therefore, for my girlfriend I’m going to make a CD with some of our favorite songs we’ve shared together, as an ode to her, so to speak. There are many different options you could go with here. If you’re not the most creative person, but your girlfriend loves art, maybe take her to a museum or something like that. It’s really important to lay your heart on your sleeve here and show her exactly what she means to you. Writing things is always a good option. I often write letters to my girlfriend, or poems and sometimes even short stories. The easiest option would probably be a letter, which you could translate into a scrapbook of some of your favorite memories with her. The options really are endless with how to go about this, and the best way to go is to personalize it so much that it would really only suit her and your relationship! Remember to rely on sentiment, not just “cent”-iment. It really is the thought that counts with this one!

Best Wishes, Carol

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Hi Carol, I’ve been struggling with the idea of Valentine’s Day coming up soon. I’m really nervous because my boyfriend and I haven’t told our parents that we’re dating. We’re still young so neither of us can drive, and we live in different towns. I don’t know how to make it so we can see each other on such a romantic holiday without making my parents think we’re more than friends. My parents love me, but I’m too afraid to tell them that I like boys. What do I do! -Desperate Drew

 

Hi Drew! I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. I too struggled with this for almost a year, before my parents eventually found out the truth. It is often hard for people to understand how scary it is to tell your parents that you aren’t straight, regardless of how accepting they are, because of the pressures of the heteronormative society that we live in. However, don’t let this get you down! Obviously, the most effective way to ensure you can see your boyfriend on Valentine’s Day is to tell your parents, but I completely understand that you may not be, and probably aren’t, ready for this yet and that is totally okay. Aside from telling your parents about your boyfriend, you can meet on a different day that’s not February 14th. I know it might be disappointing to not be able to spend the actual day together, but when it comes down to it there’s nothing you can’t do on February 20th that you can’t do on February 14th. If you’re not into the idea of celebrating nearly a week after the actual day, you could always just try to make the arrangement seem completely platonic. Don’t bring gifts or even mention Valentine’s Day, and if you do bring gifts make sure they’re small enough to hide in your bag. If you don’t act suspicious, then your parents won’t have reason to suspect that anything is going on between you and your boyfriend. Of course there are other ways to approach this subject, but these are the two main options I have. Before my parents knew about my girlfriend and I, I was able to go to her house on Valentine’s Day without raising any red flags, so it definitely is possible! Don’t give up hope, and if you have any problems related to this subject please feel free to write to me again! I would love to help people who are going through something that I struggled with not too long ago. Good luck, and I hope you and your boyfriend have a lovely Valentine’s Day together!

Best Wishes, Carol

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